Siddharta of Modern Times
Subtitled: A textbook case of the first fall or life after psychiatric drugging
Herman Hesse’s ancient times Siddartha ran away from home around the impressionable age of 12, leaving the sheltered life of the castle walls behind, no doubt full of curiosity and adventure…and yet beyond the protected walls of his childhood he experienced shock and disbelief at what he saw…everywhere he looked ,all around him, he saw people living and dying with very little access to the basic needs of life …and there was certainly not even a hint of access to the wealth that he had been surrounded, protected and pampered with as a child. Shocked and dismayed, he then dedicated his life to change and took a vow of poverty
Todays’ modern times Siddharta now 34, also ran away from home around the impressionable age of 12, leaving behind the somewhat sheltered life his pharmacist father and school teacher mother provided. He too was shocked at what he saw…he returned home on his mother’s birthday several months later, and with tears in his eyes, talked to her about how America throw’s away its young and its old… he had spent the last few months living with and among them, making friends, crying and laughing with them, scrapping for food, sleeping outside, and in unspeakable disbelief at how this outrage could ever be.
Thus at the tender age of 12, Siddharta, of modern times, also dedicated his life to change. …But this is where the story changes????
BECOMING A CRIMEFIGHTER
Although he too dedicated his life to change, he made the decision to become what he actually called a crime fighter…fighting the criminal system that spits out its young and its old…Siddharta of today chose the weapon of anger to try and change what he called “the military industrial complex”…yes, those were his words, for by the age of 12 he had won the Washington State Chess Championship and at age 13 took the SAT with other youngsters identified by John Hopkins University as the Gifted and Talent of our nation. He scored in the top 25% of high school seniors and received an award for being among the top 5% of the Gifted and Talented youth of Washington State. He had read many books and articles, and was very sensitive and aware of the REAL Cost of the American Dream for so many.
Being young, gifted and black; and an angry male, in a mostly all white middle school was more than his upwardly mobile parents wanted to deal with in any way that made REAL sense . They wanted him to conform, get ahead, bite the bait and chase after the American Dream…forget about the real nightmare behind the curtain, the young and the old dying in the streets….
Being young, giftedand black; and a very angry male in a mostly all white middle school, with teachers who demanded respect but did not earn or give respect …was a curse he would not accept laying down…they became his target as he became theirs.
THE SYSTEM FIGHTS BACK GUILTY by Reason of Racism
However, he was no match, for he was the smaller target, and they had the bigger weapons. When at the age of 13, he was accused of stealing a coat at the school, (although he was actually returning it, having retrieved it from the person who actually stole it,) he was handcuffed in the principal’s office and taken away to juvenile detention facilities; his outraged mother knew the accusation to be untrue and proved to the school counselor, Greg Wallace, how their lies would never hold up in court. Still they refused to drop the charges and so in his first experience with the American court of justice, on Siddharta’s day in court, the middle school counselor whose job it was to support and empower his young charges, swore an oath to tell the truth and nothing but the truth, and then solemnly lied (carefully crafting and changing the story to cover up the glaring evidence that would have proved Siddharta’s innocence)--- and Siddharta, at age 13, was found guilty as charged and did unjust time in the juvenile detention facilities.
How does one fight crime when doing the right thing becomes a crime and you, the young hero, become the villain…and the real villains solemnly swear to tell the truth?#!@?
The young crime fighter’s first hand experience, with those who demand respect but offer disdain, and with those who promise justice, but offer punishment, informed him that perhaps he should seek connection and company with those who seemed to understand the injustice of the system that had condemned him. Hie exact words were "Mom, if I am going to get into trouble for doing nothing, than I might as well do something to get in trouble for." I tried my best to protect him from the streets.
Doing Something to Get In Trouble For
Shortly after that he began hanging out with other young men who understood his anger…and after a party one night, one of the them stole a gun and left the party; the others joined later… when the absent parents returned home they were outraged to know their daughter had a party and especially with young men of African American descent present ; shortly after that all of the young men, including Siddharta, were charged and found guilty of theft of a firearm…
He then turned his anger inwardly and began self-medicating with street drugs and alcohol…the only other crime committed (at least to the best of my memory) while a juvenile was taking my car without my permission and keeping it for several days.
This is the what the prosecuting attorneys or the treatment teams refer to as they often site that “he has an extensive criminal record starting when he was a juvenile at age 13.
As his mother, If I had not been so blindly loyal to chasing the American dream , this is what I imagine I would have seen and heard from him and about him…
Angry, aware, black, intelligent, conform,conform, conform,
But what of the hungry children,conform, conform, conform
Counselors, parents, teachers andpreachers, conform , conform, conform,
But what of the dying old ones,conform, conform, conform
Sell my soul or lose my mind,
Depression runs deep, drugs arecheap…
I’m falling, falling, falling into a bottomless pit of despair…Who Am I now…
Conform, conform I am un-formed
The FALL and Life After Medication
His medical doctor listens intently as I tell him of my son Siddharta’s intense spells where he walks in circles in his bedroom for hours uttering words of anger and hate at me, his father, at the world he is trying to leave behind.
His counselor listens intently as I tell him how he is out of control, refuses to be controlled by anybody, anyone, and yet has lost control of himself.
His psychiatrist listens intently as I tell him of his collapse on the city bus and his growing moments of incoherence…
I search frantically for the Village, for answers, for support, a little comes, but not enough, not in time…
The experts say the treatment of the day is drugs….mind medication, the shaman says it will destroy his mind, the doctors say it will heal his mind…seems we are all out of control,
17 years old crime fighter lost in a world of drugs…risperidal overdose by doctor…rigidity sets in…don’t worry, don’t want to take them regularly anymore…shot will cure it…don’t have to go by the clock anymore, just one shot of prolixin will do you---last a week…night of hell…shaking scared of breaking up to pieces…window jumping I can fly like Jesus…
Me thinkin’ he really is gone(out of his mind)…not knowin’ a thing about the side effects of the drugs he’s on…
Me Sayin' Take your drugs, you’ll get better, I promise you, your gonna be OK…
Me thinkin’ he really is gone (out of his mind)…not knowin’ a thing about the death effects of the drugs he’s on
Take your drugs, stayon those meds…oh no he’s off those meds….
6 months later after his first 4 months of psychiatric medication with minimal counseling…
18 year old crimefighter left the house, early in the A.M, lost in a world without those meds,
Me thinkin’ he really is gone(out of his mind)…not knowin a thing about the lethal withdraw effects of those drugs…
Called 911…can you help my son
911 can’t help…no crime yet, he has not shot, killed, or been killed yet
The CRY for HELP Firstfelony as an adult age 18
This is what he told me after he was arrested, charged, jailed and I bailed him out of jail 2 days later… He left our home at 7:00AM and found himself in a nearby neighborhood, ”I felt like I was dying from being poisoned…I had to get help…my insides felt like they were on fire…, my head felt like there was a jackhammer inside…I knocked on one door…needed to get help…I was dying…no one answered…stumbled to the next house…death was closer…gotta get help quick deaths taking over….no answer…last chance last door…pound hard so they can hear me…no more doors -can’t make it…window quick…take a stick and break it--- gotta get help before I die…go sit down in the middle of the street I’ll tell them WHY---the police will be here soon …there here!!! Quick shout “ I’m dying take me to the hospital”…what no!!! handcuffs, jail, booked and charged! With a crime---couldn’t they see I was sick in my mind””
And the charge…did they say he was in a toxic withdraw state and no more drugs allowed …did they listen to his pleas for help, “mind on fire”… and say no more drugs allowed, NO! after all was said and done –(to him) they first charged him with malicious mischief, then later with a felony burglary…
16 years of the Treatment and itsresults
And so the cycle begins and seems to never end, incompetent to stand trial, Prozac, involuntary commitment, forced drugging, guilty as charge, on meds, off of meds, more bizarre acts charged as crimes, 14 day hospital lock up for observation, court ordered forced drugging, 5 point restraints, diabetes, high blood pressure, obesity, way to thin, manic depressive, bi-polar, above average intelligence, schizophrenia, average intelligence, noncompliant with medication, compliant with medication, suicide watch, 3rd degree self inflicted wounds /desire to FEEL something anything…/90 day commitment, 9 months commitment, isolation 23 hours in a black hole, alienation, schizoaffective, homeless, unusual acts charged-crime, increased aggression, less and less expression, akithisia, self medication, alcohol, 100 days waiting in jail…
Diagnosis: chronically mentally illfor life!!!
Really?!#?*?… is there no cure for the pain and trauma OR is there no cure for the treatment…
And today he awaits trial for acts committed while under the toxic withdraw spell of drug induced akithisia and prolonged isolation and alienation.
What if there had been a village in place when Siddharta’s mother and father first lost their way…would they have taken him under their wings, seen his potential to be all that he wanted to be, and not what they believed he should be
What if there had been a village in place when Siddharta needed reflections of his power, his strength his insightfulness… would they have mirrored for him what they saw in him, brought him back to life before he left for death,
What if there had been a village in place when they first offered drugs instead of love and understanding, would they have prevented his backward tumble into hell and beyond…
What acts would have gone uncommitted, what acts of genius would have been committed
The village would have raised and saved the child and then the child become adult would have giftedhimself back to the village
Without the village the children will perish…
Its not to late…Please join Siddharta and me in raising thevillage…